In Weakness, Made Strong

Today was the first time in several weeks that I was alone for any length of time. It was an interesting, yet lonely experience.
 For the first time, I was alone with my thoughts with no input from others trying to encourage me.
I was alone, replaying in my mind the theology I trust and the words of doctors from the previous two days.
I was alone, trying reconcile earthly practicality and spiritual conquering.
I was alone, knowing the words of the doctors from their experience and knowing/believing in the incredible power of the Risen Lord.
I was alone, attempting to rationalize an irrational situation; praying the irrational, miraculous movement of God will end this story in a way that leaves me above ground.
I was alone, realizing how weak I really am.

Recently, in ministering to me, a friend gave me a wonderful book authored by another pastor sharing his experience and battle with our enemy of the body called cancer. In it, I rediscovered the words today of the 71st Psalm, beginning this way:
"In You, O Lord, I put my trust
Let me never be put to shame."

Being alone today, the reality hit me of what is going to happen to me unless God chooses to intervene. For the first time, sheer fear overtook me.
Ultimately - I don't know if I can do this.

And that is the point.
I can't do this, not alone; I can't walk this road and remain faithful.
That's why the Word of God tells us in our weaknesses we are made strong in Him.

In 'Pastor Language,' what I am seeing played out in my life right now, as the world watches, is theologically called the Doctrine of Suffering.

We don't hear much about the doctrine of suffering anymore in our modern world of instant pleasure, immediate gratification and the dominance of the blasphemous 'health & wealth' gospel.
No, we hear that if a person becomes a Christian that their life will be good, they will rarely have any problems, there won't be much sickness in their lives and they will live to a ripe, old age and go out in a peaceful death  headed straight to glory.
This is what we hear, but the truth of the matter is that it doesn't always work out that way in the real world.

In the real world, apostles are beheaded. Christians are sometimes tortured. Believers' have their lives wrecked by alcohol, drugs, people who hurt children, and diseases. And yes, in the real world, pastors get cancer and don't know why.

We suffer - although God has promised so much, and those promises are real and true, we still receive the effects of living in a fallen, corrupt world. And knowing this truth doesn't do much for comfort when YOU are the one who is suffering.
Remember this - this is a theological truth I have shared; but a theological truth is cold unless it has as its partner the love and compassion of God. When truth is balanced with His love - God comes alive in our hearts; that's where comfort in suffering is found.

At the end of my drive this morning, I was hurting; physically and emotionally.
Physically because I have lung cancer and it hurts my chest when I drive, eat or breathe deeply. Emotionally because cold reality was crashing in on me and with all that I do know about God, I don't understand why this is happening.
In the back of my mind, though I don't understand what is happening and I don't like it one bit - I still don't think I'm going to die from this disease at 39 years old.
For some reason, I have this belief that God is going to pull off a fourth quarter comeback like Joe Montana use to do when I was a child.

I don't understand why I believe this - I know what I have been told and it is not very promising. But I also know what God can do and what He has done. And I think He's going to do something unexpected at some point, something I cannot even imagine right now.
But in all I do not know, there's a few things I do know:
I know when He moves on my behalf, it won't be because I'm special.
It will not be because I'm deserving.
It will not be because I have a lot to offer Him or because of anything I have previously done in my life.

When God moves, it will glorify and honor Himself - I will only be a thankful, humble, beneficiary of His wonderful mercy and grace.
But I can tell you this - It will be a story I will tell until I no longer have a voice with which to speak.

The truth of the whole 'suffering' issue is this:
I am a believer in the Most High God. I have been saved from sin by His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. If I am enduring a time of pain and suffering, that means what has afflicted me has passed by God, passed by Christ and has come to me with their full knowledge.
That must also mean that God MUST have a really strong purpose and reason for this taking place.
This being true, I must seek to be faithful in this place and in this dark hour; though I may not understand what is taking place. I am not called to understand, I am called to be faithful (see the book of Job).

Therefore, if I am called to be faithful in suffering, and I know I cannot do this alone; the only thing I know to do is to pray for His strength in my weakness that He may be honored and glorified through me life.
And friend, that is a very hard thing to do - but it isn't impossible for we are promised, 'With God, all things are possible.'

Until next time, win one for the good guys.