"Doing nothing for others is the undoing of ourselves."
~ Horace Mann
As some will remember, the Serbian/Yugo/Bosnia wars is recognized as ending in 1995; but bloodshed and genocide continued among the ethnic populations in that part of Europe for several years and truly ended in 1999.
Emerging from the Peace Accords of then-President Bill Clinton, seven nations stood in Europe amid the destruction, hate and ethnic attacks.
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| Arch Duke Ferdinand |
Amazingly, not quite a hundred years before, a war began in Bosnia-Herzegovina with the assassination of Arch Duke Franz Ferdinand of Austria.
That war was to be the 'War to End All Wars' but all it really ended was the rule of Kings and Emperors; laying a foundation for an even greater war 20 years later.
The war which was to 'make the world safe for democracy,' only laid the seed-bed from which fascists and dictators would grow.
Sarajevo, the capital of Bosnia-Herzegovina, even after a century of on-again, off-again bloodshed, remains the place where Eastern and Western Traditions meet.
Near the capital, the Islamic Campaign into Europe was stopped long ago in the Middle Ages; not to be confused with Charles Martel's defeat of the Muslim invading Armies at the Battle of Tours (732).
It seems Europe, eastern Europe in particular has an issue with war, ethnic cleansing and religious battles.
Once the invading Islamic armies were stopped, Europe was to be 'safe' from such heathen hordes; Christianity was to reign with Christ as the King.
But the Church blew that opportunity in so many ways - gathering wealth, ignoring the poor, gaining lands, setting up their own kingdoms within secular kingdoms.
Ever wonder why Catholic priests aren't allowed to marry anymore?
It's because of passing these 'church lands' off to their children, creating political divisions within secular realms.
As for the wars from Europe, the ethnic/religious cleansing from all parties involved and all religions claimed → Nobody has forgotten.
There is a deep-seeded hatred among the populous in that part of Europe with one another which goes back centuries.
Truthfully, it is worrisome that a great influx of Muslims have freely entered Europe once again; suspicion does not begin to describe what some history/religious minded thinkers believe might happen...again.
Yet, I digress.
The matter at hand is Reconciliation.
When do we reconcile?
Whether nations or people; to reconcile after a hurt, injury or betrayal?
With Judas, betrayal was accepted and an offer of grace was still on the table, even up to Judas' own death.
With Peter, forgiveness of His denial was immediate; reconciliation seems to have been immediately available as well, although it was not possible until after the resurrection.
But that was Jesus; you and I aren't Jesus, and we will never even come close.
And what makes it worse is the face that often, those most in need of grace and forgiveness are the most resistant.
After a hurt or betrayal, when are we ready to forgive and reconcile the relationship, if ever?
I'm not so sure that I can answer that question.
Recently, I ran into a person I once called my friend; truthfully, I loved him as a brother and trusted him fully.
At one time, there was absolutely nothing that I would not have done for this person.
But times have changed.
When I saw this person, I felt nothing.
And that is so sad.
There was no warning; in fact, his trust and support toward me was affirmed by his own words just a few days earlier.
For whatever reason, he chose another path.
At the time, of all the things that were happening, this one instance was the most hurtful; to know that there were plans and plots and secret meetings which could have been stopped, but he did nothing, and certainly did not inform me.
That hurt; at times it still does because betrayal is more damaging than murder.
But again, I digress into the weeds.
The point is that after the betrayal, he send me a message as if we were still friends; over time, I made it clear through a series of letters and messages that we are not, nor did I believe we could ever be thought of as such again.
As for reconciliation; I have a personal understanding now of what the European thoughts are on the matter and in my situation, nobody got killed.
We ran into one another, even spoke once; I felt nothing.
I did not feel pity, or disappointment, or anger, or anything - just, nothing.
Honestly, I don't really want to feel anything; to feel an emotion, you must care or love or hate. I have none of these things.
I had been hurt so badly and the damage was so complete, a callous had formed over my heart with regards to this one person.
Now, let's be clear on something.
I believe in grace and in forgiveness and in mercy; the infinite form of each of these, coming from God Himself.
Being a proponent, I now find myself in a quandary concerning reconciliation.
Is reconciliation possible after such things; whether personal betrayal or a national ethnic division?
Without question or equivocation, most certainly, yes.
We've seen it in our lifetime with Nelson Mandela being released from a South African prison and to right injustices among the people the Truth & Reconciliation Commission was
The idea was not to exact revenge, but to bring the people of South Africa together after the days of apartheid had ended.
The efforts seemed to have worked.
But will reconciliation happen in every case?
Most assuredly, no.
And the answer may very well be found in the same answer Jesus gave the Pharisees concerning divorce.
He was being questioned about the nature and reasons for divorce.
Jesus answered by stating why it was allowed in the Law; He simply said it was allowed because of 'man's hardness of heart...'
In a similar manner, our own hardness of heart will prevent reconciliation among those whom we feel have wronged us, injured us or severely damaged us in some way.
This is especially true when we feel that the hurt was decidedly intentional.
One of the last things I wrote to my former friend simply stated that unless there was a conversation that began with an apology, there was no need to contact me any further for any reason.
Though he tried to reestablish some type of relationship, I would not have it.
Interestingly, he is the only person in that particular group that has even tried to reconcile; it tells us that he has a better heart than the others.
So, when do we reconcile?
How does it happen?
Reconciliation among people can only take place when a person is ready in their heart; whether it is a man or nations involved.
My stipulation for any attempt of restoration or reconciliation was an admittance of wrongdoing; which I know will never happen.
Therefore, if the only way I can begin to have a prepared heart to even remotely see the relationship restored, knowing it is not going to happen, then reconciliation will never happen because neither party's heart is right to achieve the necessary goal.
I don't know where to go from here.
This is why marriages fail, friendships die and nations are lost; we won't allow our hearts to become unguarded again. We refuse to trust those who have once-trampled on our love for them.
And while reconciliation may not be possible for your situation, remember that being un-Christlike towards another is not the answer either.
While we may not feel or do anything that will ever affect the people with whom we have cut out of our lives due to personal injury, we still have a lost world needing Christ.
Remember, the lost may not understand the reason nor the ramifications as to why we were personally hurt and injured; they probably don't even care.
But they can read ungodliness in an un-Christlike Spirit we have towards one another; we should NEVER leave the lost with that impression, even when restoration is impossible.
Until next time, win one for the good guys.
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