Thanksgiving Doubt

One year ago, this very day, I was recovering from major surgery involving a cancerous tumor on my adrenal gland. Prior to this, over a period of a few years, I had lost a tremendous amount of weight, emotionally I had grown increasingly moody, blood pressure and blood sugar levels were sky-rocketing and I lacked the ability to breathe normally.

Many of the people I know believed that this was the first step in a long journey toward death.
And why wouldn't they? I was diagnosed as being Stage 4 Cancer, meaning it had spread; nobody survives Stage 4.

When the tumor was removed, everything began to change.
The tumor was the size of a softball and had been undetected for years. 
All issues with blood or hormones soon faded into the sunset; there was nothing preventing them to be regulated normally.
Later, in January, I underwent a second surgery which removed a portion of my lung and lymph nodes. 
As I awoke, the doctors and nurses were standing over me telling me that I didn't have cancer.

I became one of the few to join the ranks of the cancer survivors who had definitely been touched and healed by the very hand of God.
The experience makes you thankful for every breath; as every breath becomes worship.

And so, the disease called adrenal cancer and hystoplasmosa, had been eradicated.
I was told that there were very few who had what I had, get up and walk out of the hospital.
What was supposed to be death turned into a second chance at life - and I am truly thankful.
With that said, I can honestly say that I have never known a time when I did not believe; there was never a time when I doubted either the existence or the power of God.
To me, it has always been a fact of life; a fact that has brought to me much comfort and joy over the years.

Yet, that is not to say that I haven't had my doubts in the journey we call faith; for, I have.
And the funny thing is that if you read the teachings of Jesus in the Gospels, He sometimes made it more difficult to believe than easier.

After a strong teaching to a group of Jewish men about 'eating' His 'flesh' and 'drinking' His 'blood' and being the Bread of Life,  Jesus saw many followers simply walk away. 
To them, this was one of the most repulsive statements - EVER.
As they left, Jesus turned to the disciples and the following conversation is recorded:

                                   "Jesus said to the twelve, "You do not want to go away also, do you?" 

                                               68 Simon Peter answered Him, "Lord, to whom shall we go?" 

                                                           (John 6:67-68) 

Today, with all of the doubts we may have, Simon Peter's question is still the question we must answer every day of our lives.
To put it in modern language - 'Why do we stick around?'
And the answer is still the same - 'Where would we go?'
The reason this answer still rings true is because even with the doubts we may have about faith, the only thing harder than having a difficult relationship with God is NOT having a relationship with Him at all.

In my medical/health struggles over the past year, I have discovered that faith tends to appear where you least expect it and it will almost certainly falter where it should be thriving.
But this is not limited to our era; even those closest to Jesus Christ doubted when troubling times came.

For example, John the Baptist from his prison cell sent his disciples to Jesus to see if they should wait on another. This happened after John had heard the Voice from heaven declaring Jesus God's Son. And of John the Baptist, Jesus said no greater man born of woman had existed than him.
So, if he had his doubts, it's understandable that we may have ours.
But John wasn't alone: Thomas doubted, Peter cursed and Judas betrayed - all of this happened in a few days within each other after three years of ministry.

Yet, Scripturally, it seems that Jesus worked with whatever faith was given to Him; and as faith is given to Him, more is gained through Him.
We tend to divide into "faith types" like we do our 'personality types.' Those that are prayer warriors tend to congregate together, those that are students of the Word and those who express their faith through music - all of them come together with like-minded faith.
But all have one thing in common - across the board regardless of faith type or denomination; everybody at some point has doubt.

Doubt is the skeleton in the closet of faith.
Some try to hide it, push it down, mask it - but that's not how you deal with doubt. The only way to deal with questions or doubt is to expose it.
We should never treat doubt as an enemy if it is an honest doubt to learn from God; you see, many of the great heroes of the faith in the Bible struggled with this crisis of doubt throughout their lives.
What you find in the Scripture is men and women whose faith coexists with doubt and as a result, their faith grows stronger and stronger.

In the poetic books of the Bible, we are shown in the struggles of those who write that God understands the value of human doubt. Example after example shows us that God realizes we will have doubts because our understanding of Him is based only on what He has revealed of Himself to us personally.

Modern psychology tells us that we can't eliminate our feelings; therefore, we should go ahead and express them openly.
And wonders of wonders - the Bible agrees.
Church leaders and theologians also agree, as evidenced by the writings from the Christian past:
- Martin Luther constantly battled doubt and depression.
- Puritan Richard Baxter said that he rested his faith on 'probabilities instead of full undoubted certainties.'
- Increase Mather, in his diary, had stated that he was 'Greatly molested with temptations to Atheism.'
- Dwight L. Moody, a great man of faith, but few know that a Boston church delayed his application to join because when interviewed, his beliefs seemed so uncertain.
- Missionary C. F. Andrews was unable to lead a Indian congregation in the Athanasian Creed because of his doubts.

Yet, each of these men were great men of faith and all of them grew spiritually with their skeletons of doubt.
The truth is that Christians are loyal traitors as subjects of our King; we are rebels, yet we are still loyal to God as much as a fallen human can be.

In our society politically, the atmosphere is such today that if an individual or an organization disagrees with the government, the over-taxation, the continual lies over healthcare, the operations of the war or any other issue - that person is immediately condemned and written off as a racist or a 'hater.'
God doesn't react so immaturely, even though in the past the official church did.

You see, the doubters in the past history of the Church are the very ones who questioned ideas of the church and state based on the Word.
Church officials insisted the world was flat; Columbus sailed to spread the Gospel to India, but found a New World. 
They proclaimed that medicines were against God's will, but supported slavery and ranked races as inferior to one another as well as the female gender.
Their questions brought condemnation on themselves - but they changed the world for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  In short, I can honestly say that I am thankful for their doubt with social issues and the doubt of the above men of God expressed in their writings - in their doubt, their faith was built and that construction was put into words and passed on to us today.

I have counseled many people with doubts about God, about their marriage, about faith and about life in general. Christians struggle daily - some are ashamed, but they shouldn't be.
The truth is that Blaise Pascal was right, we always see 'too much to deny and too little to be sure.'
That is, unless of course, you have a miracle happen within your own body - then you're always certain of the power of God and treasure the hope which He has given.

The main thing I have learned in my writing, preaching, surgeries, discourses on pain and the Christian, is this truth: Faith is a Trust, it is not a certainty.
In my situation, I knew God was present.
I knew God cared and had compassion.
I knew He had the power to heal.
I also knew that He knew things I could not understand.
Therefore, I wasn't certain how it would end but I trusted Him to end the medical situation according to His great Sovereign plan for my life.

It is His truth playing out in my life - and I am truly thankful for His truth in this matter.
For - truth that does not set free, is not truth at all; His truth has set me free as it will anyone who has doubts about Him in their life.

Until next time, win one for the good guys.

God Fog

Years ago, my father and I use to hunt on Siple Mountain in Pendleton County, WV; now, that was true deer country.

Once, we were hunting and a fog rolled in across the top of that mountain; about that time a group of does ran out and stopped. I shot and knew I had hit one. I walked over to the area where it had been hit, but I couldn't find it - the fog was actually too thick and blocked the area around me.
A few days later, I was back in that same spot and as the afternoon wore on, a few does ran out of the same spot to the same location just as before. After I shot this time, I found my deer.
Unexpectedly, less than ten feet away from that day's deer laid the deer I had shot in the fog two days earlier. 
The only difference now was that I could see the area because the fog had been lifted.

And  this is exactly what we desire from God when we find ourselves in a fog during life.
When a friend is diagnosed with cancer, when young parents give birth to a mentally retarded child, when the miracle doesn't come and the prayer doesn't seem to be answered - we just want God to lift the fog so that we'll understand what's going on in our lives.

But that's not how it usually happens - not for us and not for those in the Bible.

The heroes of the faith often found themselves surrounded by a fog where they couldn't understand what God was doing.
Abraham was given the promise and vision of fathering a nation that would be more numerous than the stars in the skies; yet, as he approached 100, that promise seemed far-fetched.

Joseph once found himself at the bottom of a well and in an Egyptian dungeon for doing right; I'm fairly certain those visions he had of his brothers bowing before him seemed like a cruel joke at times.

Moses was the hand-picked liberator of the people; yet, he spent 40 years living on the backside of the desert believing he was a wanted man.

David was anointed as the King of Israel by Samuel on God's command; yet, he spent 10 years dodging Saul and sleeping in caves.

But with them all, God had given clarity and simplicity in the message and will for their lives; then it was followed by a time of silence which required faith.
And it seems to teach us a universal truth about faith:
The faith which God desires from us and values in us, seems to be demonstrated best when God stays silent for a while, a fog covers our lives and the lights go out giving way to a mysterious darkness where we must trust Him and Him alone.

Like the Biblical characters, our faith is toughened by testing.
And of those previously mentioned, Hebrews 11 gives the final verdict on them. Decidedly, Scripture proclaims of them, 'the world was not worthy.'

What's needed from us - a faith that hangs on no matter what.
Just like a child who is scared and hangs on to his father in a haunted house, knowing it will all be OK; we need that type of security and we receive it when we maintain a child-like faith.
That type of faith - it blossoms under the most grievous trials.

On Easter morning, the disciples learned something very important with this 'hang on to God' type of faith.
They discovered that when God seems very absent, he may be the closest He has ever been.
And in your life, if your prayers seem unanswered or if God seems dead to you - hang on and look again, because the stone is moving and He is coming back to life.

Like many, I wonder why all prayers aren't answers and why the miracles I pray for don't always happen. And I don't understand why every convert must travel the same road in faith.
But I do know that shortcuts in the faith are deceptive and lead away from Christ.

In every tragedy you have in your life - diseases, sicknesses, sadness or devastation; Easter teaches us that suffering and pain will not triumph for very long.

Looking to Christ daily, we learn to see those small triumphs of the faith in the small things of life.
And one of the greatest blessings in life that lead to victory is the fact that it is only a matter of time before we see God's miracle of transforming a dark, silent Friday we know as the world, into a bright and living Easter morning.
Only this time, it is going to happen on a cosmic and universal scale.

Until next time, go win one for the good guys.

God Confusion

"Concepts create idols; only wonder grasps anything."
                                                         Gregory of Nyssa

As I have learned to listen more and more with each passing day, it has been revealed to me that there is a lot of what I call, 'God Confusion.'
There are many, even those whom we would believe are strong Christians, have only a basic, superficial knowledge of the God they claim to serve. There are many who are a mile wide and an inch deep, as the old preachers use to say.
While every doctrine may very well be an imperfect description of a perfect God; I have found that even with the most basic teachings of the faith, a vast majority remains largely ignorant.

What we see today is many Christians using the same vocabulary while also using different dictionaries.
Many do not know why they don't believe in some things nor why they do believe in other practices. When it comes to baptism, people are no longer concerned with the reason for the concepts of believer's baptism as opposed to infant baptism; they'll just simply say, 'ya'll baptize funny.'

And when confronted with 'churchy' words and practices, the world, who knows nothing about what Christians do or mean, become largely confused.
As they become more and more confused about us, it is even more true that they become confused about God.

Those that are in our churches, when they hear and can't understand - it become a problem.
We're talking about people who struggle with depression, who are hampered by an addiction, who have problems that aren't exactly normal. When they can't understand, it's worse.
The reason is because they don't blame the pastor nor the church; they blame themselves for being confused about the God we worship.
Truly - What does a 'relationship with God' mean?

All relationships in life that we have, we have an idea of what to expect in them. 
With God, especially with so much confusion about Him, many do not know what to expect.
When we look at Job or Jeremiah or John the Baptist, we wonder why they endured what they endured. It also spurns the question in our minds, 'What exactly can we count on God for?'

Sigmund Freud accused the church of teaching only the questions it could answer. 
Well, that's not what I see in Scripture.
The hard questions of God are dealt with in Ecclesiastes, with Job's life and in prophets such as Habakkuk. And the questions of God they pose cannot easily be answered.

God has always known what we know now, when we only focus on spiritual successes and never highlight a failure, it makes it much worse for those struggling men and women in the church pew.
The truth is that the Christian life is not meant to be lived by a person sitting alone all day thinking about the Christian life.
No - it is a walk, a way of life; for us that means sometimes we will stumble, struggle and even fail.

When Jesus spoke of 'eating' His flesh and 'drinking' His blood, the people to whom He spoke were repulsed by the very thought. 
It was so offensive, many who had been followers of Christ up to that point, left.
As they did, Jesus turned to the disciples and asked, 'You do not want to also go away, do you?'
Peter answered, 'To whom would we go?'
In effect, Peter and the disciples were in agreement that they had no where to go except to Jesus.

With all the confusion with God, the same question could be asked of the average man or woman in the pew. Why do we stick around?
Well, the answer is still the same as well: 'Where would we go?'
The only thing harder than a difficult relationship with God is not having one at all.

While it is true that Christians have faith types just as we have personality types, one universal truth should always be remembered among the brethren: Jesus always works with whatever faith is given.
Faith will appear in people when you least expect it, so we should never discount anyone.
On the same note, we should always be willing to give God whatever meager faith we have so that He can work His miracles through our lives.

The truth is that we don't always have to understand; sometimes we are confused about what God is doing and why. But our understanding has never meant near as much as our faith in Him.

Until next time, try to win one for the good guys.

God's Abandonment

Like many of the Biblical characters, when we suffer or feel pain or have some tragedy in our lives, we will gripe and complain about God's absence. 
We will puff out our chests and say that we have spent years serving Him and now 'this' has happened; where is He when I need Him most?
Well, regardless of any current developments we may have in our lives, I can guarantee that God is not a God of injustice.
God's absence is not His abandonment.

There was once this teenage boy who grew very angry at his father. His dad wouldn't let him hang out with a certain group of boys, fearing he'd get into teenage trouble. His father made him do his homework and go to bed at appropriate times. 
Unknown to the Father, the boy he so dearly loved began using drugs and drinking during breaks at school. The very crowd his father feared was the one with whom he chose to associate.
One day the boy's Father found out and punished the son; in a fit of uncontrollable rage, the boy shot his father and he died.
Alone and in prison for the rest of his life, the boy called out through his sobs, 'I want my Father,' but his father was dead.

This is a parable of many modern people today; we've killed off any relationship with our Heavenly Father; so, when tragedy strikes, why should we be so surprised when He's not there?
Our relationship with God is paramount in our lives; it must be strong because Job proves to us that a cloud can descend on our lives at any time.

I have often heard and read on Bumper Stickers, 'Are you far from God?' Followed by, 'Who Moved?'
These are questions from Bumper Sticker Theology implying that if a person is in a tragic state and feels separated from God, the individual moved away from His will.
The problem with this idea is that people believe it; that would be OK if it was universally true - but it is not because Job shows us a time when God moved.

Theologians call this time, 'The Dark Night of the Soul;' it is a time of despair.
But this time does not mean a person is out of the will of God or is being punished. In fact, some of the greatest saints I have ever known have borne some of the greatest trials. 
Yet, I would remind you that if you find yourself in that time of darkness, God is still Sovereign. If you are there and you have not sinned to be there, then God has ordained you to be there in that time.
Nothing can touch you without passing before the Throne of God.
Therefore, the most faithful thing you can do is bare the time and await for God to do what He always does with our trials - turn them into to something glorious.

In those times, I know from experience that it is hard to be patient and wait on God.
Jesus had that time of waiting as well - remember the Cross?
Martin Luther called the Cross, 'God struggling with God.' It was because Jesus struggled with the fact that God chose to look away and not intervene.
If Christ struggled with this, you and I will as well. 
It is in this time that our disappointment will not match our theology.

There are many spiritual giants in Scripture and in the world who have suffered and contended with God. Some of them came away without harm; some did not walk away at all and died as martyrs; still others, like Jacob, walked away with a limp for the rest of his life.
But all of them walked away with a greater understanding of what was happening and what the purpose beyond the suffering and pain actually was. 
And the message we receive is that we can throw on God our grief, our anger, our pain, our disappointment, our thoughts of betrayal and our bitterness and God will absorb them all.

The truth of the matter is that when Job complained to God about his feeling of abandonment, God had never been more present.
In our times of trial and suffering, the same is true.

One thing I can say about Job's struggle, in the end - Job Died Happy!
Now, there is always the argument that his restoration could never have replaced what was taken, but when God speaks to Job and reveals the 'Big Picture' of the universe, God's non-answer seems to satisfy the man who complained and cried to the Lord.
But before anything was restored, Job repented - all that had changed was Job's attitude.
In our times like that, maybe the best thing we can do is turn to God in repentance and faith, allowing the Holy Spirit to adjust our attitudes so that God actually has something to work with as we seek to have the veil removed.

Job and some of the other people in Scripture who triumphed, like found in Hebrews 11, give me a wonderful feeling of hope.
This is especially true because I feel that God has done so much in the last year in a miraculous way in my life. It is such a great feeling, a confirmation - that Christ, now more than ever, is worth risking everything in my life for, knowing it will be confirmed in eternity.

As for our present trials, Job died happy and Paul died a martyr as did 10 of the 11 Faithful Disciples. 
Therefore, I cannot predict what will happen in my life nor in yours; but I do know, regardless of what happens, it is going to end well because it will ultimately end before His throne.
With Job, I can agree - On the last day, on the earth, in my flesh, I will see God.
If I did not believe that, I would have abandoned the Christian faith long ago.

At the moment, that hasn't happened and the Prophet's visions are still not reality.
Swords are not yet plowshares and death is still stinging and swallowing; not the other way around.
As we live out this time, I have found that many Christians are simply homesick.

God hasn't abandoned us; we just fail to see Him in life as we should.
Every flower is a scent from the New Creation.
Every blessing is News from a Country we have yet to visit.
As for all the pain and misery in the world, Heaven promises to us a time of wholeness, pleasure and peace.
Without this hope, there is no hope on planet Earth.

Until next time, win one for the good guys!

Too Familiar With God

In the modern church, we have become much too familiar and far too casual with God.
God is a person and is to be known personally - but He is now treated as our 'buddy' instead of our Lord.
This is a relatively new approach to Almighty God; foreign to past generations in Christianity and it may very well be this generation's downfall within the Body of Christ.

"If you find God with great ease, perhaps it is not God you have found." 
                                                                                                 - Thomas Merton

Merton's comment rings true still today because a lot of what people claim is of God certainly is not. Miracles in everyday things which have another explanation, lessen the meaning and power of real miracles, such as a man being healed of cancer.
This familiarity with God means that we've lost something; something we should desire to retain.

I once was able to attend an Orthodox Church; quite a different experience than to what I am accustomed. The priests are professional Christians, everything is dutiful. Everything is done in threes. Most of the service is sung. People stand, they don't sit.
The service in an Orthodox Church is designed outwardly to express the mystery and majesty of worship.
Literally, centuries have passed, the liturgy remains largely unchanged.
Most western Christians cannot understand what's going on and do not understand why any one would want to worship in this manner.

In the Orthodox Church, there is a reverence, an awe, a submission to God.
Evangelicals on the other hand - do not usually agree. 
To the Evangelical, he would say that God seems so far away.
The truth is that Orthodox has placed God at its center for centuries - Evangelical services of worship don't always do that. 
For example, how many songs do you sing, or how many Christians won't go to a church if it doesn't have Contemporary music? How much of the Word is read and proclaimed? How long is spent in prayer? 
All good questions and all center around the view a Christian has of God.

Orthodoxy makes it clear that one does not approach Almighty God as you would a mortal man.
It has placed God at the center of its worship for centuries and has withstood the test of time. 
For example, the Russian Orthodox Church outlasted the Soviet Union; they faced the most man-centered, atheistic assault in history - and yet, they prevailed because God was at the center of all they do.

In the Bible, we read of a God who reveals Himself in various ways; many times, especially when we suffer and are in pain, we want Him to reveal Himself to us now.
While science accumulates knowledge, knowledge of God is vastly different because every encounter is unique to that person and situation. 
A prayerful illiterate man may have a greater concept of God's mercy than a man teaching at a school of theology; for each encounter is an experience of its own.

In the Holy Land, we read of God appearing in bushes which burst into flames; yet the bush isn't consumed.
We read of a stranger questioning Joshua before Jericho.
We read of Ezekiel's 'Wheel within a Wheel' and there are many, many others.
But we do not see these type of encounters anymore; it is as if the supernatural has gone into hiding.
For some, God is invisible and when that concept takes over a person's mind, they will make God in their own image.

True Christianity holds fast to the person-hood of God.
He is real, He is involved and He loves us dearly; showing us how much on the Cross.
When a person is sick or suffering, they will ask of the justice and mercy of God; often, we do not have the most adequate answers. 
Out of habit, some will resort to speaking our traditional theological answers. The sad thing is, when we speak of traditional theology to someone who is hurting, it is similar to reading recipes to a person who is starving.
Theological concepts cannot heal, cannot touch, and cannot love the way God can because God is a person, not a concept.

The Apostle John clearly teaches us that God is personal and wants to relate to us.
If this is true, then why do we find it so hard to relate to God?
I mean, seriously, the modern church in America has removed any mystery or majesty from God and brought Him down to our level; and still, many Christians find it hard to relate to the very God whom they've brought to themselves.
In fact, some are so removed from God, they will pray to saints - I guess they're less scary than God.

In the late 1500's, the Protestant Reformers began to promote the idea of an individual Christian relating to God personally instead of through a priest.
Today, the Modern Evangelical Christian has taken this to the utmost degree.
Evangelicals speak of knowing God personally, talking with God in the vernacular language and the praise song which are sung in modern worship often sound exactly like the love songs on pop radio with God or Jesus substituted for the name of the lover.
Place this against a candle-lit, fully robed choir in a high loft: indeed times have changed.

Familiarity has also led to abuse by some:
'God is telling me you need to sow greater seed in the Kingdom....'

Deceitful and manipulative tactics and messages by those who were less than men of God have damaged what it means to walk by faith and Christianity as a whole.
When a person comes forward with a 'message' they just received, I know two things: One is that a voice to voice conversation with God did not take place.
Secondly, I know the person is probably telling me something to do which is advantageous to themselves. 

Some see a demon behind every bush and an angel in every open parking space.
This casual relationship with God is not good. When we can speak of the recent movie marquee and God with ease in the same sentence, something is wrong.

There is a mystery and  majesty about the very nature of God.
People look for signs of the Almighty - but I have seen them. I have seen the quite devotion of a Godly mother with an infant. I have seen God in the charity of a man in giving to those less fortunate, although neither had much.
I have seen God's signs in the world through a children's choir and the glow on the faces of the adults as they sang God's praises. I have seen Him in His Word being preached, His Spirit leading the heart in prayer and His servants trusting Him and walking by faith.

This is the type of familiarity we should desire - not the common lip service and odd actions of modern American but rather a familiarity which breeds holiness, trust and truth through our lives.
This familiarity is what Moses had on the Mount with God, it is what Jesus had when He retreated to pray and it is what we should seek through our lives with our Lord.

Until Next Time, Win One for the Good Guys.