Here We Go Again?

Several months ago, God healed me of Stage-4 cancer; I had been given six months to live at the time of the diagnosis. 
It wasn't that the doctors were wrong it is the fact God is fairly persuasive in His decisions about who will live and who will die - and He is the One who makes those decisions, not mankind.

Having said that, it has often come to my mind as to why I was given this road to walk. 
Once I was healed and walked out of the Cleveland Clinic, I pretty much thought I was on the road to recovery and soon I'd be back to my normal self if there is such a thing.

I was wrong.
There seems to be yet another chapter in this unfolding saga of 'Cancer with Christ.'

Today, I began a genetic test with a simple blood draw to determine if I have the genetic disease called 'Von Hippel-Lindau Disease.' 
This condition sometimes evidences itself with hair-trigger temper flares, racing hearts, or high blood pressure. 
It attacks the body through tumors, such as an adrenal cancer; but not just one tumor, many. These tumors tend to attack the Central Nervous System and plague the victim.
Now, I may not have this disease, but all indications and symptoms (which are more than I have listed) point that direction.

So, let's reflect  on the past.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, I was fairly certain how it was going to end and I was wrong. 
Yet, however it ended, I had enough trust and faith in God that it would end appropriately and for His glory - on that point, I was right.
And so it will be with VHL, whether I have it or not it is still going to end appropriately because God is on His throne in heaven and has never, not once, lost control of His Creation.

And that brings me to the question of 'Why?'
I imagine the most asked question of pastors is 'Why?' 
It is also one of the most difficult.
'Why Pastor, did my wife treat me this way and leave?'
'Pastor, if God is so compassionate, why did we lose our baby girl?'
'Why if God wants to bless me, did I get fired?'
'Why....Why...Why?'

The simple truth is that your pastor doesn't have all the answers to those questions - but we wish we did.
We wish we knew all the questions that plague your heart so that we could put your mind at ease, help you sleep better and begin to heal the wounds the world caused.
We wish it was that simple, but many times we don't have the right words and we pray that God will use us in our lack of words, or lack of knowledge, or lack of everything.

When people hit a difficult time in their life, and by difficult I mean tragic; in general, we all ask the same questions.  The questions are universal - 'Why did God allow this to happen, it isn't fair?'
'What is God's Will in this situation?'
'Why doesn't God show up and tell me what to do?'

Do any of those sound familiar?
These are usually uttered in some way by someone who is hurting; this is especially true if that person is a Christian.

Many times, a Christian will struggle with God being Fair.
I know this may sound odd but it is true - millions of people struggle with God's fairness. We wonder why good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. That question is nearly as old as history itself and played itself out in the Biblical Book of Job - which ends without giving a real answer to the problem.
Before the birth of my son, my wife and I lost one child in a miscarriage. I didn't think that was fair, especially when I saw people on the welfare roles sucking up tax dollars and having more children by multiple partners than a dog has fleas. 
There are many who struggle with God's fairness in a similar manner - and those small unspoken struggles begin to chip away at our faithfulness to God over time. It begins to put doubt in our head because we can't understand the infinite mind of God in our finite world.

Sometimes we think if God would just give us a set of rules to follow, whatever happened to us would have to be fair and just because we would know all the rules and things wouldn't be haphazard as they seem right now in life.
Well, let's just think about this for a second.
If I'm not mistaken, I believe God has already done that and it didn't work out too well.

In the Old Testament, God gave His people a law of 613 Laws. It was comprised of ceremonial rules, religious practices, ethical behavior and universal/moral law.
With each law, there was a stipulation - God would promise, 'If you do this....I will bless you. If you do not do this....punishment.'
That was the basic system of the Old Testament and it was wonderfully fair; but the problem is that mankind just couldn't keep the Law. Let's be honest, mankind never even came close.
Therefore, most of the Old Testament is about the failure of God's people.
Ouch.

At other times, we don't so much wonder about God's fairness as we do about His Will in our lives. Personally, if I were to guess, I would say this is the one most people wonder about - How in the world can we be sure of God's Will in our lives?

I knew a woman once who struggled greatly over whether or not to divorce her husband. Her husband was guilty of adultery, battery and a host of other nasty ailments. He just wasn't the greatest person to be around, not as a spouse and not as a person.
Yet, deep down, she loved him and struggle with divorcing him because she saw herself as the only person who could help him.
The main thing she struggled with? She was trying to discern what the will of God was in this situation because her decision would effect so many other people. It was a heartbreaking experience to watch.

Searching for the will of God can be heartbreaking at times; it can hurt.
And when we struggle with finding God's will we want God to give us obvious signs as to what we're to do and how we are to follow. Then we think to ourselves, 'Man, that sure would be nice.'
Really?
Again, I believe this has happened once before.

As Moses led the Israelites out of captivity, God made it clear what He wanted them to do.
Before them was a cloud during the day and a pillar of fire at night. In the morning if the cloud had moved, the people moved because they knew that was what God wanted them to do. If the cloud stayed put, so did they.
God told them, through Moses, when to fight, when to make peace, when to travel, when and what to eat. And guess what happened?
They failed miserably - fighting when God said it was a time of peace and making peace with those they were suppose to fight.
Following God's will from Egypt to the Promised Land, even thought they knew exactly what God wanted, DID NOT work out well for them.

Then there are those extreme situations or thoughts where we think we want God to show up and tell us exactly what we're supposed to do in our lives.
I have actually heard people say, in times of anguish, they want a personal appearance from God Almighty. Now, don't get me wrong, this would be cool to the nth degree and certainly would give me bragging rights at the Pastor's Conferences - but that's not the point.
Seeing God in person would be awesome but also terrifying because the simple truth is that I am not yet fit for the Holy Presence of God.

In fact, those same Israelites that hoofed it through the desert with Moses - they rejected the idea of meeting God on a personal level. Instead, they insisted Moses meet with God alone because they were afraid they would die.
And Moses met with God all the time; even to the point where his face had to be covered with a veil after their meeting. Their intimacy was so close that Scripture tells us that Moses spoke to God as if He was a close personal friend. 
Truthfully, that's the relationship I want with God - a friendship as Moses had.

But what is amazing is that the Children of Israel had seen so much of God in personal experience and yet, they still didn't do too well.
They had seen the plagues in Egypt, but were untouched by them all.
They had crossed the Red Sea on dry ground, then watched the pursuing Egyptian Army drown by God's command.
They had seen manna fall from the sky in the morning and captured quail in the evening, eating out of the very hand of God twice a day.
And yet, with all of this evidence, the very first time God communes with Moses for any length of time in solitude, Moses returns to find God's People dancing around a Golden Calf as if the image was anything but an expensive imagination deduced from their personal sinful yearnings.

The simple fact is that we are misguided in wanting God to do these things with us in our lives; the Israelites had each of them but it didn't help.
Instead of helping them keep the faith, these instances actually deterred their faith.
And I think the reason is because in this type of system, you don't need faith - you only need perfect obedience for it to work. 
And since mankind cannot adhere to the perfection God desires from us, we can't have the obedience we're to have before Him.

In the New Testament, we see an amazing break with the tradition of the past. Instead of the Apostles pointing to the Old Testament and the Children of Israel as our example to follow as Christians, the Apostles do the exact opposite.
They hold the Children of Israel up as an example of how to do everything wrong.
Instead of perfect obedience, the Apostles insist we need a system of mercy, forgiveness and grace - which is all given to us by faith in God's Son, Jesus Christ.
In Jesus' New Covenant, we have Mercy, Forgiveness and Grace.

The truth is that we don't really want God to be fair - fairness would mean getting what we deserved. I don't want what I deserve; I want God's mercy to forgive me of what I deserve.
And we don't really need to see God and we don't really need to know the entirety of His will. As great as these things may seem, the truth is it would all backfire on us.

We wrongly believe that if we had these elements, we would have no doubts about God. 
That is true, but we would also have little faith.
You see, in life, to have faith - you need a few failures.
To have faith, there needs to be a small degree of doubt.
Where there is no room for doubt, there can be no room for faith.

Therefore, if you are going through a tragic trial at this point in your life and you find yourself filled with doubt at times - that isn't necessarily a bad thing.
God loves to dispel doubt - whether it is about a marital situation, about cancer or on just about anything in life; but He must be given a chance.
The Bible teaches us that Christ came in the fullness of time; in the same manner in the fullness of time in our lives, God does reveal Himself, His Will, and His Way. As He does, the doubt we have is dispelled and faith takes root to become a triumphal victory in our lives.

I may very well have VHL and a recurrence of malignant tumors.
If true, so what? 
It will be no match for what God has planned for my life through the situation.
Remember, God works all things to the good of those who love Him.

Until next time, try to win one for the good guys.